The Best Job in the World # 2 - The Defeated Mom

A new friend came in for a coffee chat.

“Hi, I’ve just joined the stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) force. Errr…honestly, I’m still not used to the new lifestyle yet…” she sheepishly introduced herself.  

“The transition and adaptation must be really hard, isn’t it?”

“Ya, tougher than I expected it to be. I’m curious why didn’t you ask me the FAQ?”

“What is that?” she got me curious.

“People always joked about it, and some seriously meant it when they questioned me about what do I do at home ALL DAY?”

“That’s because they don’t understand, or some doesn’t bother to. Anyway, you don’t owe anybody any explanation.”

“Compared to my previous job, literally I’m now doing thankless work which repeats in horrendous cycles. There’s no such thing as project planning, execution, completion, and celebration…Aside from being mentally-challenging, the work now is also physically-draining!”

“I can’t possibly expect “well done” or “your effort is appreciated” from the toddler whom I clean up after a messy poop-in-diaper drama or war-like meal time…”

“I can imagine that!” I laughed.

“No more stylish OL attire, no more flattering heels, no more make-up and sometimes my work started even before I could brush my teeth! The worst part is – the work doesn’t end when you go to bed, you will still wake up automatically to check on the kids.”

“It sounds superficial and trivial – but it is somehow intimidating to feel ‘not presentable’! I even need cracked heels cream now!!!” she laughed as she said that.

She is beautiful without any make up, she just doesn’t realize that.

Mothers have a unique glow in their face, but they always prioritise their loved ones - to the extent that the glow is overshadowed.

“Well, SAHM can dress up at home too. After all, we are only answerable to ourselves, my friend.”

“Good idea! I also remembered when I was working, I always cherish the first 15-minute quiet 'ME time' in the morning – sipping my hot coffee while clearing unread emails. It was..it was just therapeutic!”

“Now, you always have to leave your hot coffee in order to attend to ‘surprises’ from the kids, isn’t it?”  

“Yes yes! Sometimes, I had to gulp in my coffee without appreciating the aroma and body. That’s a crime, you know?!” she passionately shared her obsession.

“I know, life is too good for bad coffee. And it is bad life not to appreciate coffee!!” I agreed.

“The daily challenges I deal with is scaring me off, I just hope I can maintain my patience and stay cool. When my husband is back home, it was like him announcing that he is officially off from work. But how I wish I have a clock-off time too!”

“We all agree he needs a break after a long day at work. But sometimes we still expect them to PROACTIVELY share the load, without us asking” we giggled together.

“I have a confession to make…”, she whispered.

 “Feel free to share if you wish?”

“I miss my financial independence sometimes...I don’t miss the power, nor the designation – but the fact that you’re no longer earning money yourself although you’re equally busy; if not busier – it feels weird!

“It’s like asking you to quit coffee all of a sudden, isn’t it?`”

 “Ya...The kids wear me down, sometimes I’m so tired that I wish I can take a nap too when they are.”

“But why not?”

“No, that’s the only time I can be more effective. I’m exploring some courses or business ventures on my own. When the kids are sleeping, I need to seize the time to learn, and the more I learn; the more I realize I have so much things to learn about!”

She paused.

“Sometimes I just feel defeated. I’ve tried so many small attempts – but what I get in return is only rejection and cul de sac…”

“Sorry, cul de sac?”

“Yes, trying my best just to find out that I’m heading towards cul de sac. Things don’t work out to be what I expected it to be. But I always wanted to do more than I’m doing now. I think I can…”

“Yes, you are. Just give yourself time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Somehow I think our society is still unable to provide a supportive environment for such women empowerment.”

I raised my voice to emphasise what I thought “Having said that, women like you, are MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU THINK…”

This is June, an ambassador of angels - who doesn’t join the weekly ‘TGIF anticipation-proclamation-celebration” because to her ~ everyday (day and night) is a working day!

She has the toughest and yet most inspiring job in the world - a MOTHER.

The Best Job in the World # 1 - The Imperfect Mom

She rushed in, and the first thing she mumbled was, “We have to make this really quick. My daughter and son are having spelling exam tomorrow, I have to rush home to do revision with them – after my laundry,  their meal, shower...”

“Have you had your breakfast?”

“I finished their breakfast leftover before I rushed here, I’ll grab a quick bite later while I prepare lunch.”

“But you looked tired and pale, breakfast is important for everyone – regardless of age. So now, share with me, how have you been since we last met?”

“ Hmm, I’m still the same paranoid parent I was. I couldn’t help it. There were a few times I witnessed the kids hurt themselves  – right in front my very eyes! I felt powerless; I could have acted faster to prevent it from happening...”

“But every kids have to learn to protect themselves, that’s not your fault.”

“It must have been the ‘motherly hormone’ – pardon me for coining my own term, but I still can’t help but to feel frustrated that I didn’t protect them enough, it’s my responsibility – if only I can be a more perfect caregiver….”, I could see a glimpse of guilt as she looked away.

“My young boy used to hurt himself very badly. It was so close, so so so…close to his eye. I don’t know what would I do if he hurt his eye. I saw my daughter clinging onto the staircase railing the other day, I shouted frantically at her – telling her the consequences and how they have to learn to protect themselves!”

“I understand, my friend.”

“ She was in shock, she stared at me and I knew she was frightened  – not because of how dangerous the stunt could be; but because of my hysterical reaction. The scenes of my boy falling from the staircase kept haunting me. Trust me, it can make your heart stop pumping! I’m grateful nothing bad happened, but every time the kids played recklessly and hurt themselves, I’ll go mad!”

“You love them a lot, don’t you, madam?” I smiled at her as she poured out her guilt and frustration.

“I don’t like it when I scream at them. I feel guilty as though I’ve turned into a monster. I’m supposed to be a loving angel for them, all the time. It was beyond my control, what's wrong with me…”

“Don’t feel guilty, we are all human.”

“I always teach them to learn from every mistake they make, and from every fall because I can’t possibly be by their side all the time…but I kept seeing them doing stunts that may hurt them! Many a times, it just takes a few seconds to make a whole lot of difference, you know what I mean?!”

“And you don’t want that to happen, especially when they are under your care, right?”

“ I’m their mother, I’m suppose to ensure they are under perfect care – at least when I’m still able to do so!”

“Don’t blame yourself, my friend. How else does this bother you?”

“People around me, including my husband, sometimes think that I’m over-reacting. Some thinks that moms are creature with fragile soul, we break down easily, we even cry when we see our kids in pain...Is that normal?”

“People will always judge, my friend. Don’t be bothered. I’d think that this is mother instinct, a natural urge to protect someone who shares the same blood and flesh. Someone who was IN YOU for 9 months and came to this world - in the most miraculously beautiful way ever. This is natural, my dear.”

“Every time I see bruises or scar they have because of my negligence or because they failed to protect themselves; I feel bad.”

“We are not saint, my friend. We are just humans who can’t possibly be perfect in everything ….we are MOTHERS.”

“I know where you are coming from, thanks.”

“And be proud of the fact that, although we are all not perfect, we are perfect in our kids’ eyes – for what we have done, what we are doing and what we’ll strive for them – for the rest of our lives.” I assured her.

“I just hope I will be a better mother than I’m now... Thanks for the chat, I need to rush off now to prepare their lunch before fetching them from school. Oh my, I forgot to buy their favourite fruits! I must be out of my mind.”

I just smiled at her as she reminded herself about her to-do-list.

This is Jamie, an ambassador of angels - who is not financially compensated for her sacrifices.

She has the toughest and yet most inspiring job in the world - a MOTHER.

 

 

The promise I made, with Spring

Yesterday marked the beginning of Spring, I've made my choice for this coming year of the horse :)