The Best Job in the World # 2 - The Defeated Mom

A new friend came in for a coffee chat.

“Hi, I’ve just joined the stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) force. Errr…honestly, I’m still not used to the new lifestyle yet…” she sheepishly introduced herself.  

“The transition and adaptation must be really hard, isn’t it?”

“Ya, tougher than I expected it to be. I’m curious why didn’t you ask me the FAQ?”

“What is that?” she got me curious.

“People always joked about it, and some seriously meant it when they questioned me about what do I do at home ALL DAY?”

“That’s because they don’t understand, or some doesn’t bother to. Anyway, you don’t owe anybody any explanation.”

“Compared to my previous job, literally I’m now doing thankless work which repeats in horrendous cycles. There’s no such thing as project planning, execution, completion, and celebration…Aside from being mentally-challenging, the work now is also physically-draining!”

“I can’t possibly expect “well done” or “your effort is appreciated” from the toddler whom I clean up after a messy poop-in-diaper drama or war-like meal time…”

“I can imagine that!” I laughed.

“No more stylish OL attire, no more flattering heels, no more make-up and sometimes my work started even before I could brush my teeth! The worst part is – the work doesn’t end when you go to bed, you will still wake up automatically to check on the kids.”

“It sounds superficial and trivial – but it is somehow intimidating to feel ‘not presentable’! I even need cracked heels cream now!!!” she laughed as she said that.

She is beautiful without any make up, she just doesn’t realize that.

Mothers have a unique glow in their face, but they always prioritise their loved ones - to the extent that the glow is overshadowed.

“Well, SAHM can dress up at home too. After all, we are only answerable to ourselves, my friend.”

“Good idea! I also remembered when I was working, I always cherish the first 15-minute quiet 'ME time' in the morning – sipping my hot coffee while clearing unread emails. It was..it was just therapeutic!”

“Now, you always have to leave your hot coffee in order to attend to ‘surprises’ from the kids, isn’t it?”  

“Yes yes! Sometimes, I had to gulp in my coffee without appreciating the aroma and body. That’s a crime, you know?!” she passionately shared her obsession.

“I know, life is too good for bad coffee. And it is bad life not to appreciate coffee!!” I agreed.

“The daily challenges I deal with is scaring me off, I just hope I can maintain my patience and stay cool. When my husband is back home, it was like him announcing that he is officially off from work. But how I wish I have a clock-off time too!”

“We all agree he needs a break after a long day at work. But sometimes we still expect them to PROACTIVELY share the load, without us asking” we giggled together.

“I have a confession to make…”, she whispered.

 “Feel free to share if you wish?”

“I miss my financial independence sometimes...I don’t miss the power, nor the designation – but the fact that you’re no longer earning money yourself although you’re equally busy; if not busier – it feels weird!

“It’s like asking you to quit coffee all of a sudden, isn’t it?`”

 “Ya...The kids wear me down, sometimes I’m so tired that I wish I can take a nap too when they are.”

“But why not?”

“No, that’s the only time I can be more effective. I’m exploring some courses or business ventures on my own. When the kids are sleeping, I need to seize the time to learn, and the more I learn; the more I realize I have so much things to learn about!”

She paused.

“Sometimes I just feel defeated. I’ve tried so many small attempts – but what I get in return is only rejection and cul de sac…”

“Sorry, cul de sac?”

“Yes, trying my best just to find out that I’m heading towards cul de sac. Things don’t work out to be what I expected it to be. But I always wanted to do more than I’m doing now. I think I can…”

“Yes, you are. Just give yourself time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Somehow I think our society is still unable to provide a supportive environment for such women empowerment.”

I raised my voice to emphasise what I thought “Having said that, women like you, are MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU THINK…”

This is June, an ambassador of angels - who doesn’t join the weekly ‘TGIF anticipation-proclamation-celebration” because to her ~ everyday (day and night) is a working day!

She has the toughest and yet most inspiring job in the world - a MOTHER.