“Have you had your
breakfast?”
“I finished their
breakfast leftover before I rushed here, I’ll grab a quick bite later while I
prepare lunch.”
“But you looked tired
and pale, breakfast is important for everyone – regardless of age. So now,
share with me, how have you been since we last met?”
“ Hmm, I’m still the
same paranoid parent I was. I couldn’t help it. There were a few times I
witnessed the kids hurt themselves –
right in front my very eyes! I felt powerless; I could have acted faster to
prevent it from happening...”
“But every kids have
to learn to protect themselves, that’s not your fault.”
“It must have been the
‘motherly hormone’ – pardon me for coining my own term, but I still can’t help
but to feel frustrated that I didn’t protect them enough, it’s my
responsibility – if only I can be a more perfect caregiver….”, I could see a
glimpse of guilt as she looked away.
“My young boy used to
hurt himself very badly. It was so close, so so so…close to his eye. I don’t know
what would I do if he hurt his eye. I saw my daughter clinging onto the
staircase railing the other day, I shouted frantically at her – telling her the
consequences and how they have to learn to protect themselves!”
“I understand, my
friend.”
“ She was in shock, she
stared at me and I knew she was frightened – not because of how dangerous the stunt could
be; but because of my hysterical reaction. The scenes of my boy falling from the
staircase kept haunting me. Trust me, it can make your heart stop pumping! I’m
grateful nothing bad happened, but every time the kids played recklessly and
hurt themselves, I’ll go mad!”
“You love them a lot, don’t
you, madam?” I smiled at her as she poured out her guilt and frustration.
“I don’t like it when I
scream at them. I feel guilty as though I’ve turned into a monster. I’m
supposed to be a loving angel for them, all the time. It was beyond my control, what's wrong with me…”
“Don’t feel guilty, we
are all human.”
“I always teach them
to learn from every mistake they make, and from every fall because I can’t
possibly be by their side all the time…but I kept seeing them doing stunts that
may hurt them! Many a times, it just takes a few seconds to make a whole lot of
difference, you know what I mean?!”
“And you don’t want
that to happen, especially when they are under your care, right?”
“ I’m their mother, I’m
suppose to ensure they are under perfect care – at least when I’m still able to
do so!”
“Don’t blame yourself,
my friend. How else does this bother you?”
“People around me,
including my husband, sometimes think that I’m over-reacting. Some thinks that
moms are creature with fragile soul, we break down easily, we even cry when we see
our kids in pain...Is that normal?”
“People will always
judge, my friend. Don’t be bothered. I’d think that this is mother instinct, a
natural urge to protect someone who shares the same blood and flesh. Someone
who was IN YOU for 9 months and came to this world - in the most miraculously
beautiful way ever. This is natural, my dear.”
“Every time I see
bruises or scar they have because of my negligence or because they failed to
protect themselves; I feel bad.”
“We are not saint, my
friend. We are just humans who can’t possibly be perfect in everything ….we are
MOTHERS.”
“I know where you are
coming from, thanks.”
“And be proud of the
fact that, although we are all not perfect, we are perfect in our kids’ eyes –
for what we have done, what we are doing and what we’ll strive for them – for the
rest of our lives.” I assured her.
“I just hope I will be
a better mother than I’m now... Thanks for the chat, I need to rush off now to
prepare their lunch before fetching them from school. Oh my, I forgot to buy
their favourite fruits! I must be out of my mind.”
I just smiled at her
as she reminded herself about her to-do-list.
This is Jamie, an
ambassador of angels - who is not financially compensated for her sacrifices. She has the toughest and yet most inspiring job in the world - a MOTHER.
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